Today I decided to blog is because I wanted to remember this moment that I found myself finally opening up; to something I've always hoped nobody touches it and I'll burst.
Someone I asked me to really sit down calm myself and answer to myself what is God's love to me, personally; how he has brought me through, what He is to me and how much He has done for me.
What is God's love to me? Well, He never abandoned me even though I resented Him for taking away lives that means dearly to me. He sent His angels(friends and family) to be with me, guiding me so that I won't turn bad. And yes, I wasn't alone because of Him. If it wasn't for the angels He sent me, I would have been uncontrollable and wild and a lot more things that I couldn't have imagine. He kept me in His arms well. It got too well that at times I take it for granted that, He owed me. In fact, it's the opposite. We all owed Him. We took His One and Only Son to the cross. He loved us so much that He was willing to give His Son to us and die in our place. His unending love and mercy for us, is so great that whenever I think of it I fear Him, but it made me love Him even more.
Mummy allowed God to work in her and has done so many things that glory God, that was also why I couldn't accept it when He took mummy away. In the past, even though I said I forgive God because mummy's in good place now, I think I never really did mean it which it became the darker side of me. It's on the surface that I wasn't mad at Him, I think. That's why there will be times that I'll be really exhausted serving Him and my emotions will get out of control. Mummy's last words became a painful shadow of mine, it felt so heavy and being perfectionist is tiring.
That someone today did enlightened me, which I should have long ago, told me if I really had let God, I should be able to ask Him take control of me and use me for His wonderful plans. I shouldn't let mummy's last words burdened me like that as it will affect my relationship with God and my service in church. She asked me, "Have you reborn-ed in Christ " I hesitated. Know why? Cause I was lost at what I'm doing, that it made me unsure whether I'll end up in heaven with God. I told her that if God were to take me now, I will be so dead, because he's gonna have so much to say about me, my wrongdoings. We read through John 3:1-21 together and gone through the lesson of "Rebirth" and many of times we Christians are like the Pharisees, we think that as long as we go law by law, it'll be the key to heaven. In fact, we are dead wrong about it. If we're not reborn, we can't enter the kingdom of God. Reborn meaning a changed new person, not as in physically of course. Changed person doesn't mean you won't sin, we human still do. In fact, the moment we are born, we already are a sinner, by confessing yourself as a sinner, you are declaring that you need God to purify you, let Him in you and work things right.
Many people know still don't believe, that think that its absurd, well I don't I know He is real. He worked in me, guided me and love me. He molded me into a person of great ability. He put me through tests so that I get stronger. To others, these are setbacks but it really isn't. This are things that help me grow into someone that can glorify God.
I know if I really have to change, I need to set my priorities right. She also said, if you're gonna be a leader at what you are serving or whatsoever, you got know who you are doing it for and why? If not people that are following you can't see what you want them to see. Just like how I'm serving as a vocalist in church, if I don't sing out God's life in me to bring the congregations to Him as well, how are the congregations going to feel them? They will not know who they are worshiping, show them through you, your life. Everyone is a testimony, we have a purpose in life, it's to glorify that Almighty God who is merciful and gracious with us all. He's done so much for me, in order for me to grow, how could I forget that?!
All this enlightened will be helpful for me always and forever. Plus recently, I have to plan out a Prayer and Praise session for the youth, it's about recommitment. If I myself didn't fully commit, I am in no position to ask them to, because I'll be leading them in wrong directions. I want to remember this important lesson since I'm a very forgetful person, I had to take them down. Taking burdens of my shoulder can be hard, but I know with God's help ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. <3
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I shall go back to do my Prayer and Praise lo...need finish up soon. Plus I have meetups with my secondary school BFFs.. chows.. ^^
